Intro

Lowkey, I can't even come up with a cutesy intro for this one. I'm just so tired. Of so many things! Let's go.

Things I Did in 2025

I Got 7.5k Followers

Somehow, my Bluesky account ballooned up to 7,500 followers. Prolly some parts being the Friendly Neighborhood OC Guy™ with the earliest(?), Hot and Underdog, OC-Centric Bluesky feeds and some parts very nice people putting me into Comic or OC -centric (and sometimes, Minority-Uplifting) Bluesky Starter Packs… and then subsequently, some passive or over-enthused Bsky users smashing that Follow All button. Then maybe some people seeing me on the Discover feed or Explore tab, seeing the 7,500 number, thinking that means I'm notable or deserving of respect, and joining in on following me.

It doesn't feel like the follower count I've gained has much of anything to do with the value, or perceived skill level, of my art at all. And so, it makes it hard to feel like this was an accomplishment of any kind. Furthermore, my brain has transformed my Bluesky account into a world where like, 7,500 people punish me for having mediocre art, thoughts, and updates by not engaging with anything I share, but also not unfollowing me.

It makes it hard to draw, especially digitally, these days. I abandon drawings really fast, like "this wouldn't rouse my sleeping followers", "this wouldn't be good enough", "they'd hate this", "they'd sleep on this".

It's probably not the reality of the situation, like; 7,450 out of 7,500 of my followers could have left Bluesky altogether. There're even smaller realities to consider, like, "maybe it's a timezone thing", but the indisputable inflated nature of my account, combined with the resulting small engagement rate, makes me feel like at all times, there are 7,500 pairs of eyes on each of my posts, with 7,500 high judges analyzing each one like "not good enough, not good enough, not good enough".

And even though my own head created this, it sucks so bad.

My Dumb-Ass Started an Online-Only Art Shop

Before I realized my Bsky account was inflated, while I was actively growing/ballooning up… and I was doing well in my day job… and my tax refunds were good… I got a lot of stuff that provided me with the capability of printing and making art goods at home. I was skyrocketing on Bluesky, after all. And some of my followers like my art, so some of them will like my goods and merch, right?

Well, yeah, but— as you all know, the world and economy kinda suck right now. For shop owners, customers— for just people as a whole. Unlike the stimmy-check, pandemic lockdown era… people just have less entertainment money… and the entertainment money that (some) people do have, those people must be choosier with. So, like, if it's going anywhere, it's going to like, Nintendo or Disney or something. Not some Social Media guy with some stickers, it feels like.

It was just not the time (for especially a new guy in the space) to try to take a crack at it.

I Burnt Out

On art and social media, both.

I think this art piece deserves a place in my biography. Or maybe my obituary. Or something.

Re: the 7,500-Pairs-of-Eyes thing, this was the one that was supposed to wake up my sleeping followers. It was the one that was supposed to convince the 7,500 that I wasn't dead-weight on their Starter Pack "follow all". That I wasn't a "bad artist" (whatever that means), that I was actually "good". It was a big step up from my usual results. It was me walking up two stairs at a time.

When I finished the canvas, I felt really good and proud about it.

When I posted it, and the results weren't the Engagement Redemption™ and awakening of my sleeping followers that I thought would happen, I hated it. And I hated the drawing, and I hated myself. And I couldn't do "it" anymore.

And I haven't been able to draw a digital art piece since. The most I've been capable of is… analog sketches, and the rare, wonky, not-good-enough digital scribble.

👍👍👍

I'll heal, eventually. I know I will. I swear on Kiki's Delivery Service.
However, I feel that, unfortunately, instead of my artistic healing being just, accepting my art where it is, it has a lot to do with… bringing my art to the point where it passes my new level of self-scrutiny. Where it passes a new, internal bar of "good enough". I do not know how to change this.

In healing digitally, I took a couple Social Media Detoxes. In doing so, I realized that most of my "enjoyment" of social media was dependent on my addiction to both it and its feedback loop: pulling on the TL until I finally found a post I enjoyed. It's not a Skinner Box if every post's a winner. I was also addicted to information. Being plugged into everything that's happening in every circle and community and person in my network all the time. Detoxing helped me realize that, like, I'm only addicted to being informationally "plugged in", while I'm informationally plugged in.

Detoxes allowed me to realize, that the second I allow myself to feel FOMO, missing out magically doesn't bother me as much as I feared it would.

Similarly, I found that, I don't like pulling on the Everything Timeline. I don't like eating the Trail Mix one handful at a time. If I want just the peanuts, I want just the peanuts. If I want just the raisins, I want just the raisins. If I want just the M&Ms, I want just the M&Ms. Social Media has no answer for this.

We flocked to general-population, non-specific, main-five-websites Social Media because we felt the audience and reach would be better than those of specific-purpose sites and specific-purpose social media web-apps (ie: deviantArt).
But Big Main™ Social Media™ still has no answer to "Right now, I just want to see art", "Right now, I just want to see life updates", or "Right now, I just want to see news".

• No, image-only doesn't count. That assumes visual art is the only type of photo people post.

• No, tags don't count. That assumes everyone "properly" tags their posts #art, #blog, #news, or whatever.

And yeah! I don't like sifting through everyone's Everything Posts™ all the time. Especially now that I'm no longer addicted to scrolling.

At least, now I know!

I Found Out I'm AroAce

In the Spring. Aromantic-Aegosexual to be specific. I think I saw someone else mention their Aegosexuality and… it led me down my own egg-cracking journey, in that regard. As someone who really likes… how to say this rated-T­… romance and sexuality in fiction, as well as: liking feeling like I'm "normal" (in some ways, if not others), it was kinda like "oh great. Now I'm even less normal than I'd thought I was. AND I'm gonna be broke and lonely cause society was not made for single people to survive in."

I'd lived in like, Compulsory Romanticism, Compulsory Sexuality, and Amatonormativity for so long, especially due to being Aego-*, romance/sex-positive (re: society), an enjoyer of romantic and sexual fiction, and just a guy that wanted to be normal… but once you realize a truth and can internally confirm it's the truth, it's just kinda like, "damn… and I can't even do anything about it."

There is no feel-good, uplifting transition out of this one. I just have to accept that, despite my subconscious hopes, I am once again, unfortunately, not like most people.

I Tried to Get Better Employment

Under the risk of having to move in with other family, if I failed.

I did not get better employment.

• I finished my portfolio site,

• I redesigned (ironically, by under-designing it in LibreOffice so bots could actually read it), updated, and strengthened my resume,

• and, I sent out a billion job apps.

But, I did not get better employment… but I wasn't forced to move either, so that's good!

But not getting a new job made me feel like the portfolio and the resume and the job apps all amounted to nothing… And when I make effort that produces no results, it's like my brain doesn't even process/register the effort as real, in the first place. It's like the effort just gets poured into the void.

I Small-Webbed Again

Speaking of portfolio, I finished the 2.0 of my personal site, too! This year…

That's two sites, I guess. Yay?

Moving my personal site off WordPress ultimately allowed me to build templates and pagination for custom post types way easier than I would have been able to on WordPress. If only because I know raw HTML/CSS/JS better than I know how to make custom WordPress post types, WordPress plugins, or how to make use of PHP and database stuff.

I'll only truly "like" my portfolio once it gets me work, but I can say that I really like my personal site. It is my digital home, it feels very "me"-ish, and posting on it makes me feel very safe and comfortable.
I hope I can add art and comics to it in 2026.

I Finished the First Draft of My Mini-Series, and Got a Beta-Read Back

(Header title.)

Something-something Demi-Human Diaries: Fear of Falling.

I sure did. Another half-accomplishment.
(Half-accomplishments don't feel like progress, they just feel like half-accomplishments.)

Now I have a whole front-to-back story, with feedback that allows me to reinforce the story's stitching by sewing more of its existing elements together in subsequent editing passes.

I guess? This one feels like it barely counts, along with the job-search one. Half-accomplishments.
Enough. I feel like I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel, here.

Things I'm Leaving Behind, Come 2026

Pursuing "Growth" and Growth-Pursuing Behavior Itself, on Social Media

The blunt way of me saying it is "I'm done", but let me say it the fluffy way.

I have done and achieved so much, on Bluesky. I am in community with so many great, friendly, interesting, and insightful people. I've been able to see so much cool and inspiring work. I am capable of having so much exposure (often when I don't need it, and ironically absent when I do).

I feel like the only Social Media thing I did not achieve this year, was growing a Social-Media-funded livelihood. And I feel like that's kinda rare these days anyway, unless you're willing to:

• be a mouthpiece for every sponsor (or sponsor matchmaking agency [they'll be wanting a cut!]) that hits up your email inbox.

• enter the parasociality market. (Which I don't want to do because I hate the feeling of being watched under a microscope.)

I really do feel like, at this stage, those are the core two ways to "live" off the Internet, and while there's nothing wrong with them… I feel like they don't mix nicely with my brain, personality, neuroses, or desire for creative control, so… yeah.

I will be leaving my (formerly compulsive) Social Media "growth" behaviors behind. Including:

• post "consistency",

  • Who cares. If someone really likes me, they'll allow me to go dormant for a little while without that being grounds to unfollow me.

• "RT for the night crowd!!"

  • If one really, really, wanted to keep up with me without missing a single post, they'd sub my newsletter or RSS.

    • I keep saying this, but I keep backstepping myself like "but, no, they won't!" Nah. Hard line in the sand. If missing a post would really make someone upset, they'd be willing to learn a "new" technology like email and RSS.

• meme-trains and quote-trains

  • At this point, I have an irrational irritation towards them, haha— aslkjdas I'm so weird, like, whenever there's a new meme-quote-train-thing, I add its key-phrase to my muted phrases list, like—
    
    I do believe in reuploading "old" art pieces, because most of the time, one's followers were asleep or outright not paying attention the first time, but I hate this format in which we prompt each other like ChatGPT about it?? LMAO LIKE— it's not bad, it's not a practice to shame or ridicule— but it makes me wonder WHAT art people would choose to reupload, or which reuploaded art pieces an artist would choose to put alongside each other in a single post if there wasn't some guy yelling in their ear like "QRP WITH HOW YOU DRAW WOMEN :3"
    
    Don't even get me started on the meme ones like "post a picture from your phone without context" or "the last image saved to your camera roll is how your month will go". I mute every variation of the prompts on-sight, like, SHUT UPPP (/nm) askjldfalksjdf literal SocMed slop. It's part of what makes Social Media feel like a Trail Mix of junk (/exaggerating!!!) to me. Again, just the non-art version of "what would you share from your life (or your downloads) if no one prompted you to?" Probably something you actually find meaningful or interesting, even if only on a personal level.

Journal-Tweeting, Diary-Tweeting, Thought-Tweeting on Social Media

This is a behavior I grew on Twitter when my main account was that of a 300-follower nobody and my locked account gave access to, like, only a dozen close friends.

Somehow it's been a hard habit to shed on public record, AtProto Bluesky. Though I don't share information as personal as I did in my Twitter days on Bluesky… I feel like even with casual, low-stakes thoughts and information, it's like…

I feel like most people with Thought-Tweeting behavior just engage in it to express theirselves, like, it's never really that serious. But the way Social Media posts are, by nature of the UX, robbed of their context, the average scroller-by cannot distinguish between [expressing one's subjective experience/thinking-in-progress], and [declaring something as objective fact]. This causes social media users to engage with other netizens' lying-on-the-grass-staring-at-the-clouds idle thoughts, as if the OP is standing behind a debate podium or something.

I've run into this myself and seen others deal with it too, so, much, this year. And each time I'm like… "I will no longer thought-tweet. I will thought-journal. I will no longer thought-tweet!!! I will thought-journal!!!" But because I've never been able to build a proper micro-journaling habit, I fail to keep the micro-thoughts within paper gates. And then a micro-thought (or to be fair, macro-thought, at times) gets let out onto my BSky profile, and then I'm getting debated or worse about it when it was only posted with the gravity and "seriousness" of "If There Were Two Guys on the Moon".

SO NO MORE!!!

Creating Micro-Experiences over Macro-Experiences

So much art, I feel like I've just made to experience as dumb-little one-off social media posts.

This isn't to say one-off-illustrations were dumb of me to do, but I think I'd rather make illustrations while picturing them in a gallery exhibition or an art book or a zine, or even in a grid/carousel on my website, than, in the creative process, thinking of an illustration's final destination being a post on the timeline and wondering what engagement numbers its's gonna get.

Y'feel me?

And when you think of a piece's home being on the timeline, you're more likely to think of it as a one-and-done thing. Its entire life and death is how it performs on the TL. But, when you think of a piece's home as being in a gallery/art book/zine, you think of the context and connections created between pieces when displayed next to each other. A macro-experience is created when you experience certain art pieces together, not shuffled around with other guys' on a feed.

On top of that, the more obvious thing is: I just want to make more comics and zines, but first, I had to convince you I wasn't dunking on Just Illustrating Just Because™, lol. Now that I have properly convinced you: yeah, I wanna make more comics and zines.

Things I'm Pursuing in 2026

Pen-Palling

Starting an online-only art shop this year… was dumb of me. But, I still like making things—turning my digital art into real-world objects. Art, stickers, zines, prints, etc. Also, I hate how separated SocMed makes me feel from the acquaintances I make. Like an acquaintanceship can never ever become anything further than "See you on the TL!"-deep. So, my weird solution is to start pen-palling more with moots that are willing to become DM-friends, and pre-existing DM friends and IRL friends, too.

It gives me a reason to keep making stuff, and it (maybe) gives me a reason to not throw the stuff I accidentally already made, away. (Maybe.) IDK.

I'd also like to do traditional art trades, Artist Trading Card trades, and (with whoever's willing… I know the purpose of this isn't to trade, but to make income:) art merch trades (so that digital artists can trade with me too, and analog artists that'd rather trade prints and derivatives instead of analog originals).

The one thing I was kinda able to get from the Internet in 2025 (& '24, and '23…) was community. So if I can deepen that community instead of the way Social Media's UX only allows me to have it on a more surface level, while having penpalling and trade as a reason to continue making physical things, that'd be awesome.

A More Unswayed and Project-Driven Artistic Mind

Art trends? In the trash… Pop-culture fanart, in the trash…

These things aren't bad, but I guess I'm starting to really realize how finite my life is?? Especially since I'll be trying to primarily fund my livelihood with employee work, only accepting financial Social Media support as additional aid. I feel like all my non-employee, non-self-development, and non-self-care energy in 2026, will have to go to the comic mini-series I wanna do: Demi-Human Diaries: Fear of Falling. And maybe some zines, but that's it.

Things like art trends and pop culture fanart don't really spark joy for me… some people have fun with them, but for me, it's just Social Media Growth behavior.

With the most-likely limited energy I'll have, deadass all I wanna do creatively in 2026 is stuff that really helps set off my comic & zine bibliographies. Nothing else.

And it'll probably be a lot of progress work instead of final-product work, so (at whatever pace/speed I decide), I'll have to be cool with sharing WIPs in public, in a way that doesn't… make my Ko-Fi outright redundant? (Maybe cropped images are public?)

But yeah, I barely made one-illustration-a-month work 2025 before fizzling out. But I attempted it because I thought I had to make finished illustrations all the time to be relevant. 2026 will probably be a lot of rough-looking, mid-development work. But at least, that way, they'll be able to bury me with books I made instead of with nothing.

A Life

A better job, and a driver's license.

Let's not say "an apartment", I think that's aiming too high for a silly, solitary, graphic designer in big 2026. Folks don't want us no more, they want ChatGPT and Midjourney. 💀

I feel like if I get these, I can start treating art, cartooning, zinemaking, and even Social Media more like serious, fruitful hobbies and less like outright life-or-death jobs. Cause… if they don't (currently) make my ends meet, why am I running myself ragged pouring so much stressed energy in?? 😭 Why am I worrying so much about what People™ think about my Creative Work when it's not People™ and Creative Work that keep me alive in Capitalism… but ⛈️Bosses™ and Gigs…⛈️

I think Hobbyism currently has the connotation of not being passionate. As if, like "anything you're passionate about, you can, and should, be able to turn a profit from, or else you're doing it wrong." No, I am still serious about my creative work that I can't afford to live off of… but that inability to live off of it means I should both feel free, and be freer in my approach towards it.

Thus, Passionate Hobbyism™.

Outro

And you know what, man, I think that's it.
Anything else I didn't say is prolly on my 2026 Resolutions Thing

Here's hoping 2026 won't run us into the ground like 2025 did. Or maybe it'll be worse, idk.

A'IGHT. BYE!

Originally posted on the Webbed Site™ as usual.